Funny Quotes and One liners

Funny one liners and quotes have always attracted my attention. I enjoy them a lot. The ones in the top drawer are those which take a second to understand and then u look back and enjoy the kick. So here is the list of some which I like most. I have taken the liberty to rip them off the status messages of frens and various websites. It will be updated most regularly. So keep watching the space.

1. All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
2. Money can't buy you love but it significantly increases your bargaining position.
3. We could all take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
4. My work is like rocket science.. It speeds up with fire up my ass.
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.
7. You don't know a woman till you've met her in court.
   
8. My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
9. Man has will, but woman has her way.
10. A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
11. My first experience with oral contraception - I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
12. Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.
13. I think the hardest part about claiming a black hole is figuring out where to stick the flag.
14. When two hearts race, both win.
15. We are here on earth to do good for others. What the others are here for, I don't know.
16. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
17. If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
18. Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician.
19. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
    
20. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
    
21. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
22. I just got lost in thought, and it was unfamiliar territory.
23. Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.
    
24. Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.
25. Love at first sight - saves time.